If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character... Would you slow down? Or speed up?

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?


I was looking through all of my pictures and decided this was the only that could come close to being my favorite of all time. Of course it is a bridal picture so I better like it somewhat, but I don’t really like pictures of myself. I feel like they never capture just right, or my head could have been turned just a little more to hide that chunk of chub there or something can always be just a little bit different. I guess that is what happens when you have low self esteem though, there are times that you just have to take what the picture gives you and go with it, even when you don't want to.

Since JR high I have had really bad self esteem, and I feel that I have done an ok job hiding it up until recently. But maybe that is just a lie to myself, maybe I have never really hid it and now I am just accepting the fact that it is there now. I feel so in a funk because of it and I know what I need to do to fix it, but the motivation for some reason isn’t ever there. Maybe I am a lost cause and in the depths of my brain I know that, but the rest of me hasn’t quite accepted that reality yet.

Friday, February 18, 2011

Day 20: Nicknames

I have so many nicknames I don’t think I could come up with all of them… So I will do the one that has stuck with me the longest.

Hannah Banana/Banana/Nanner

This one is really reserved for my family, especially Nanner. Growing up this is a name that everyone has called me at some point in my life. In elementary school all the kids teased me with this name and it drove me crazy. I would chase the boys around the playground that used this nickname, cuz ya know… that was the cool thing to do. I don’t know why the nickname frustrated me so much, it seemed like I wanted to be more than that and no one could see past the name. Most people that I encountered while growing up seemed to make a comment about banana’s. Then after I grew up and the kids around me grew up, the name stuck with my family and I realized that it was something out of love.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Day 19: Something you miss

I miss having my alone time. I think that every person, no matter who they are, deserves alone time. I know that I miss being able to have a few moments to myself each day to just vent and let the little things go so that I can focus on the big things in life. I miss being able to have a few minutes of silence where my brain doesn’t have to be going a million miles a minute to figure out the next move of those around me.

In that same thought though, the one person that has really caused me to miss out on that alone time is my wonderful little boy. I couldn’t give him up for the world. He is so amazing and constantly keeps me on my toes. He is growing up so fast I don’t think I can keep up most of the time.

So in all the ways that I miss having alone time… it is a small sacrifice for this life that I have been blessed with.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Day 18: Favorite Place to Eat

Definitely has to be my own home. Whether it is me making a meal or Coty barbequing something for us or simply throwing something together last minute and then chowing down. As long as it is at home then it is amazing. I think one of the reason that it appeals to me so much is because I know what is going into the food and I can make it my own. I can alter the ingredients to any recipe to make it fit my family.

I don’t cook at home nearly enough, right now it is really hard because I do work a later shift. Working 12pm to 8pm doesn’t really allow me to come home and make an amazing meal for my family. I think I am going to start working on using my crock-pot so that I can prepare a good meal for my boys to have and then some leftovers for me when I come home ;)

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Day 17: Something you're looking forward to

3I am looking forward to celebrating my 3rd year being married to an amazing man. We have had our ups and downs, we have been in a place where we have had to fight to keep going and we have been on top of the world.

So for our 3rd anniversary we are going to steakdinner at Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and then to spend a weekend in the Romeo and Juliet room at the Castle Creek Inn.

  creek inn

Day 16: Dream house

Growing up I always wanted a house that is huge and grand, something that would make the rest of the neighborhood jealous. I wanted to be the girl pulling up in her driveway that people would awe at because they were envious of my living quarters.

Now I have a 2 year old and work a full time job and I have a hard time keeping up with a 2 bedroom apartment. So the first thing on my list of attributes for my dream home is definitely a self-cleaning one.

I want a house that is big enough that I don’t feel like we are living on top of each other. This is especially important if we plan on having more kids eventually. I want to make sure that the kids have their own space to go to when they want to play that doesn’t have to be their own room… a play room would be nice. I want Coty to be able to have an office so that he has somewhere to go when he needs to do his computer stuff. Then there is me… I want a room that I can have a computer set up as well that is also big enough to serve as a studio for the photography that I eventually want to do.

I want my house to have a good size yard as well. I want to be able to have barbeques in the backyard with friends and family and have enough room to go and play around and run and be active.

Is that too much to ask for?

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Day 15: Bible verse

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

- 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 -

This is by far my favorite bible verse, it was read at our wedding. Now granted my Mom had school the bishop in this bible verse because he had no idea where it was in the bible or even knew it existed really. But Coty pulled through and wrote it out for the bishop to read.

I think the reason that this is my favorite is because I feel like there are times that we can all just say oh.. well we have love and we take it for advantage. I know that I can definitely take what I have for advantage and there are times that I have to stop myself and think about what I have been blessed with.

Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?


I have changed so much in the past year. I have come to a lot of realizations that have made the way I act on a day to day basis more like myself.

I have realized that I don’t have to bite my tongue to keep people that are supposed to be my friends happy. There have been so many times throughout my life during friendships that I just don’t say what is on my mind because I know that it will make someone mad or what ever the reason may be.  I have come to realize that I don’t have to do that any more. I don’t have to keep quiet just to keep a friend. If they truly want to be my friend they will accept everything about me… thoughts and all.

I have decided that outside opinions don't matter as much as I used to think that they did. Society can think what they will about me, but 95% of the time I shouldn’t care. I should be able to go out in public and have fun, chances are I’ll never see those people again anyways right?

I am starting to learn that I am a better mom then I have ever realized. I can’t compare myself to everyone around me, I am doing more than my best. My son is an amazing little boy and that is partly thanks to me. I just have to keep reminding myself that my son is better off with me here than with me gone.

I have changed so much in the past year because I am starting to be more comfortable with myself as a person. I won’t deny that I have things about myself that I need to fix and work on. I just have to keep reminding myself that change doesn’t come over night, but that you have to constantly be working on it.