Electroshock

Today marks one week for me having no soda… I haven’t drank anything more than water and milk so far. Luckily I am not having as hard of a time as I was expecting. The reason that this is a big mark for me is because it also marks one week of me changing my life around. I stopped drinking soda, I am trying my hardest to eat healthier, and I am going to get my life back.

When I got pregnant with the most amazing little boy I put on a lot of weight. I used the excuse that I was pregnant so I could eat what I wanted when I wanted and no one could question me. Well I was wrong, I should have known better, I felt like I had struggled with my weight all my life. But no, I ignored all “the smarts” that I am supposed to have, and went all out for it.

To add on top of all that needless eating that I had done for 9 months, I ended up spending a month on the couch after Jaiden was born because of the c-section that I had. Then I spent another 5 months not doing anything, but staying inside all day and watching TV. I never realized how bad it was until one day I walked outside (we were living with my parents at the time) and my Dad looked at me and said “What are you doing? You don’t come outside” It hit me that maybe I was really becoming that lazy person that nobody ever wants to be.

Well, here I am 3 years later and up until a week ago I haven’t made any changes in my life. I keep saying that I will, keep saying that I want to, but never ever following through. My weight has put so many unnecessary issues in my life. I am so down on myself that my marriage suffers. I don’t have the energy so I don’t play with my son like he deserves.  I don’t have enough self worth to make me realize my full potential. It (the weight) has caused other emotional journeys that I still have  a hard time thinking about them.

So here I am, taking a stand for my life and all those in it. I am going to make a change and this time there is no turning back or making excuses.

Day 22: What's in your purse?

So I have decided to pick back on posting on the blog regularly and what better way to start that picking back up on the 30 day challenge that I started soooooo long ago :)

Headset - for my job… Gotta love it :)

Markers - simply because I am obsessed

 

Post Its - another thing for work … they litter my purse

 

Notebook and pen … because you never know when inspiration will hit you.

 

Normally girls carry wallets, driver license, debit cards and those things. But I have never been normal and I actually hardly ever carry a purse around with me. 99% of the time I carry from my car to my desk at work and then back at the end of the day and it stays in my car for the rest of the time. I can’t seem to attach myself to a purse, I don’t have that many things that are that important to me that I have to carry them around with me. My phone fits in my purse, my debit and credit cards usually are in my pocket, my middle console or on my bedroom floor and my keys are in my hands. It seems much easier than anything else.

One year later….

So here I am sitting at my Mom and Dad’s house waiting until the latest time that I can before I have to start getting ready for work and I keep thinking to myself that I really need to post something to get something off my chest, too bad I don’t know what it is.

Like I said in my last post, Coty and I are working on buying a house right now… Hopefully closing on it in the next few days (crossing all fingers and toes right now). Then we will have to move again and get our stuff situated and try to figure out where to put things… unpacking is so not fun. Our plan is to try and get things unpacked and moved in and situated before we move in… I guess we will see how that goes. I am so excited to be taking this step in life and so scared all at the same time.

We just celebrated one year since my mom came home from the hospital, it is so crazy to think that it has already been that long and look at everything that has changed in that time. I think that our family has been moving in the right direction for all parties involved. I have lost friends that were not healthy for me and found new friends that are good for me. It is nice to have a friend that will support you and not tear you down for their own satisfaction. I have come to a realization that I am worth more than I ever give myself credit for and I can do a lot of good for my family. In the past year Coty and I have grown our relationship and become stronger. Jaiden is getting so much bigger now.. and way too smart for my good, he frequently tells me instead of me telling him.

All in all, this has been a crazy year and I am so happy to be here.

Soooo…

I haven’t posted on here in way too long, I totally forgot about my 30 day challenge because I have had a lot more challenges facing me. So… here’s the story…

One night when Coty was home and I was at work there was a knock on the door from a realtor that was asking if we had considered buying a house. Now of course Coty and I had tossed around the idea for a while, who doesn’t when they are renting apartments? But we never thought that it would come this soon. We decided that we might as well see what we could pre-qualified for though so that we had a better idea in the future.

Well one thing led to another and we started looking at houses. We knew that we would never buy in the Salt Lake valley since we could travel just outside the valley and get a lot of house for the same price as a little house in the valley. We first looked in Utah valley because we both love the area, then we decided to broaden our horizons, if you will, to Tooele valley. I was looking online one night and found this cute, adorable, little cottage like house and we wanted to go look at it. So we found a few others to look at to make a day out of it. We ended falling in love with a house, not the little cottage one but a newer, bigger one for not much more. It was amazing, it was the first house that we looked at that I immediately felt at home and started decorating in my head and wanted to put an offer in, right there, right then.

Well as all stories go, things didn’t work with the first house. We ended up getting out bid on the house. But that is what happens with HUD homes. So we moved on, our hearts heavy. (I totally giggled out loud when I wrote this) We found another house that was amazing but we needed more cash than what we had on hand and it would take a couple of days for us to get it. Before we could get the money, another offer was placed and accepted. So we started looking more, I was obsessed with looking at houses all night long online.

And there it was, the house that I would live in. It was the exact same floor plan as the first house, was completely finished in the basement, and was for sale. We put our offer in, after Coty went to look at it of course, and waited to hear back. It came down to our offer and someone else’s offer. The bank ended up countering ours and we accepted.

So that started the long road of getting everything ready and puts us where we are now. We have lined up somebody to take over our apartment, but they need to be in by the end of this week… which leaves us with the daunting task of packing up our apartment in just under a week. Coty and I work opposite shifts so it was up to us to be motivated on our own and blow through this place. We also have to move back in with my parents for a few weeks while we wait for the closing of the house.

So it is a long road, and we have a lot left ahead of us but we can do this and we will do it.

Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?

I was looking through all of my pictures and decided this was the only that could come close to being my favorite of all time. Of course it is a bridal picture so I better like it somewhat, but I don’t really like pictures of myself. I feel like they never capture just right, or my head could have been turned just a little more to hide that chunk of chub there or something can always be just a little bit different. I guess that is what happens when you have low self esteem though, there are times that you just have to take what the picture gives you and go with it, even when you don't want to.

Since JR high I have had really bad self esteem, and I feel that I have done an ok job hiding it up until recently. But maybe that is just a lie to myself, maybe I have never really hid it and now I am just accepting the fact that it is there now. I feel so in a funk because of it and I know what I need to do to fix it, but the motivation for some reason isn’t ever there. Maybe I am a lost cause and in the depths of my brain I know that, but the rest of me hasn’t quite accepted that reality yet.

Day 20: Nicknames

I have so many nicknames I don’t think I could come up with all of them… So I will do the one that has stuck with me the longest.

Hannah Banana/Banana/Nanner

This one is really reserved for my family, especially Nanner. Growing up this is a name that everyone has called me at some point in my life. In elementary school all the kids teased me with this name and it drove me crazy. I would chase the boys around the playground that used this nickname, cuz ya know… that was the cool thing to do. I don’t know why the nickname frustrated me so much, it seemed like I wanted to be more than that and no one could see past the name. Most people that I encountered while growing up seemed to make a comment about banana’s. Then after I grew up and the kids around me grew up, the name stuck with my family and I realized that it was something out of love.

Day 19: Something you miss

I miss having my alone time. I think that every person, no matter who they are, deserves alone time. I know that I miss being able to have a few moments to myself each day to just vent and let the little things go so that I can focus on the big things in life. I miss being able to have a few minutes of silence where my brain doesn’t have to be going a million miles a minute to figure out the next move of those around me.

In that same thought though, the one person that has really caused me to miss out on that alone time is my wonderful little boy. I couldn’t give him up for the world. He is so amazing and constantly keeps me on my toes. He is growing up so fast I don’t think I can keep up most of the time.

So in all the ways that I miss having alone time… it is a small sacrifice for this life that I have been blessed with.