My son is now 17 months old.. and gets into everything that his little paws can touch. Just last night he brought grandma’s glasses into to grandpa… broken, and now this morning he decided that the vase on the end table wasn’t necessary any more and pushed it onto the floor, needless to say shattering it to pieces. Like I said… he is getting into to everything and anything and he is loving to test my patience. But I cant help but smile. I am so blessed to have him. I sit here and watch him and his father reading books before bed time and I wonder how we created something to magnificent, so smart, so independent, so beautiful. I want to know how I got here in life.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
So .. I haven't posted for a little while and I know that I am slacking. So I do apologize if anyone is out there reading this. A lot of things have happened this past couple of weeks, I lost my job, my husband got the worse news that a husband could get and my baby boy could possibly be lactose intolerant. I am 19 and here I am dealing with the struggles of the world on my shoulders. I often wonder why God allowed this to happen to me.. but then I decide that blaming this on God is not fair. He gave us free will for a reason, and I am the one who chose to exercise that option. I often look at my friends and envy their lifestyles, I often thirst for the opportunity to go out last minute, to date any guy that they choose, to not have to worry about bills, and if there will be enough money this month to make it. I often look at all my friends and crave the carelessness that they lead their lives with. Then after having a few moments to myself I take a step back into reality and see my son playing with the dog, or my husband showing him how to play guitar hero and I realize that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. I realize that even though God gives us free will, he also has a plan for us, that he doesn’t put anything in our paths that he knows we can’t handle. What I question frequently is do we put ourselves in places that we know that we can handle, or do we put ourselves in places that we want to prove that we can handle, to show everyone “wrong”. Did I get pregnant at such a young age to show my family that I am more mature than they have ever given me credit for? Did I get into a serious relationship to prove to all those guys that left me that I am worth staying with? Did I fall in love with Him to prove to myself that I am worth something, that I am worth being with and that I can be loved? Or did this all happen because we are truly meant to be? Because we are destined to be together, and no matter what comes our way we will survive it? I guess that there are still heaps of things that I don’t understand, and I don’t think that I want to right now. I have too many other things to worry about :D