If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character... Would you slow down? Or speed up?

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Starting out

So here I am, 18 (turning 19 in a couple of weeks), married to a wonderful man, and a mother to a beautiful 10 month old boy. I sit here and think to myself, where did things go wrong? Did they go wrong? I know that if I had the choice I would do everything all over again, maybe I would wait a couple years, get some education under my belt and invest in a home. But I would still marry the same person, and pray that I was still blessed with the same son. People talk about teenage pregnancy like it is one of the most horrible things to happen, and don't get me wrong I don't exactly endorse the idea, but sometimes this path can save someone from themselves. I know that it saved me from a path that too many people I know have traveled and become more lost in a jungle than they will ever be able to pull themselves from. But who am I to judge someone else for the choices they make? I know that I never want to be judge by the choices that have led me to where I am in life. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened had these choices not been made, I wonder where I would be in life? Would I be happy with the person that I would eventually come? Would I have the motivation to persevere my dreams? I know there is a lot of talk about how things that happen in your childhood push you to go one way or the other in life, sometimes I have a hard time believing that though, and other times I cant seem to think any other way. Looking back in life I wonder how I could be so stupid, how I could throw away so many oppurtunities without a second thought about it. But maybe that was all just leading to this moment in life, this amazing, once in a lifetime chance. The chance to find true love and start a family. Like the title says, this blog is going to be a rambling for me. Its going to be a chance for inner reflection and analyzing of self. It is going to be a chance for to fully understand the person that I have become, good and bad of it all. I dont imagine that I will accomplish much, nor will I remember to write daily like I should. But every day that I do write, I want to come out a better person with a better understanding. So to all that wish to come along, welcome to the journey. Keep all body parts inside at all times and please remain seated until the end of the ride.

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