If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character... Would you slow down? Or speed up?

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Day 10: Something you're afraid of



[feyl-yer]  Show IPA–noun 1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success: His effort ended in failure. The campaign was a failure. 2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: a failure to do what one has promised; a failure to appear.  3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency: the failure of crops. 4. deterioration or decay, esp. of vigor, strength, etc.: The failure of her health made retirement necessary. 5. a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency. 6. a becoming insolvent or bankrupt: the failure of a bank. 7. a person or thing that proves unsuccessful: He is a failure in his career. The cake is a failure.

Failure is my biggest fear. I am afraid that I will fail at life, afraid that I’ll fail at raising my child, afraid that I will fail at being a good wife to my husband. Sometimes I am not really sure what failure is. Who defines failure? Why does it seem to  always consume my life? I am so afraid sometimes that one wrong step will set me off on a downward tail spin to my end.

I pray every day that no matter what I wont fail, that my child wont suffer the consequences of my poor choices. I pray that my husband will be happy when he thinks about me and is happy that I am the one that he comes home to. These things haunt my dreams.

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